The Practical Lawyer

Find Your Why: The Key to Success in Work and Life

My article on work/life balance was recently published by The Practical Lawyer Journal, a publication of American Law Institute.   In the article, I talk about change, adversity, and a few practical tips to succeed.

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Here is a snippet from the article:

Being a successful litigation attorney focused on helping others, however, could not have prepared me for my greatest challenge two years ago—a divorce after almost 18 years of marriage. Or did it? Leadership guru John Maxwell teaches that “success is not a destination thing…it’s a daily thing.” For me, answering the Why? question enabled me to start an amazing journey that continues to this day. Sure, I could be more successful. I could have more clients. I could have more trials. I could have many more “things.” But once I answered the Why? question, I realized that many of my so-called stumbling blocks were actually stepping stones to a more fulfilling life.

To continue reading, download the full article here.

You Bring Your Work to Home, So Why Not Bring Your Home to Work?

My credenza does not normally look like a construction site. (…What am I saying? I am a construction lawyer!…) Let’s say my credenza does not normally this cluttered. However, this is what it looks like after having brought two separate kids to my office recently on two separate days. Joy.

Kids at Work

Since I had to get some work done on the day after Thanksgiving, I brought Jack into the office with me.  He’s our tornado.  I knew I would not be interrupting other people’s work schedule because no one in their right mind works on Black Friday.  The entire professional world is shut down.  It’s one of those freebie three-day weekends.  And I brought Faith to work a couple weeks later because my wife had her hands full and just needed some help.

The point is that so many times we bring our work home to the family…so every now and then we should bring our family to work. The kids love it!  Happy Holidays.

Luck is the By-Product of Busting Your Fanny

Our Sunday meal this past weekend at the local Chinese food restaurant ended with the kid’s favorite pastime…the opening of fortune cookies.  We each take turns ripping open the plastic wrapper, breaking the sugar-laden treat, and giggling about the words inside.

What is your fortune?

This week, the small fortune in my cookie represented a long-held principle of mine for finding a successful work-life balance:

Luck is the by-product of busting your fanny.

When it comes to family, I cannot tell you how many times that some one meets our children and the words blurt out: “Wow! Your children are so well-behaved.  You are so lucky!

I don’t want to be a downer, but I totally disagree with those words.  First, our children are the same as yours.  They scream. They cry. They whine. They hit. They poop, pee and puke…anytime…anywhere! Did I say they scream?  Not a day goes by without my wife or me saying, “UGGGGHHHH!”

Second, it’s not luck.  We work very hard to be purposeful in our parenting.  We want to instill character and integrity in them.  We teach them virtues like patience, including workable definitions for even the young ones to understand.  We practice “sit time” in the home so they know how to sit still in real life situations.  If they say something wrong, we make them say the correct words…over and over again…until they say it correctly.  (Translation: “Yes ma’am.”)  Even when a child decides to throw trash in the middle of the living room, it is guaranteed that we will make them pick it and throw back down ten times just to teach them a hard lesson.

The same goes for your work life.  Most successful businessmen and businesswomen that I know are “bust your fanny” hard workers.  Sure, there are a few exceptions who were born with the silver spoon in their mouth, but most entrepreneurs have a strong work ethic. They are willing to go into work early.  They are willing to stay late in the evening.  They are willing to teach others how to do it right, even when it is sometimes easier to do it themselves.  They are willing to walk in a room full of strangers and get over their fears by extending a hand with a warm smile.  All of these take hard work.

Now, if you want to have a healthy family life and maintain a successful career, it is going to take a lot more than luck. Even though it will be difficult, when you reach balance, you will find comfort. In what Seth Godin calls the hard parts, “it’s the difficult work that’s worth doing. It’s worth doing because difficult work allows you to stand out, create value and become the one worth choosing.”

Questions: Do you think people are just lucky in success?  Other than “hard work” what else contributes to success?  Please leave a comment here.

Image: Tom Giebel

Work-Life Balance Takes More Than Good Intentions and a Plan

It was past 7:00 pm last Friday and the office was empty.  I had already been at work for 12 hours and I was utterly discouraged by the large stack of papers on my desk, as well as the ever-increasing list of things that still needed to be complete. My wife called and gave me a “free pass” to stay at work as late as I needed to get things done. But in the end, I knew I needed to get home to spend some time with my family.  You see, all this talk about work-life balance means nothing if I am filled only with good intentions and a plan.

I had to act, and I had to act quickly.

I packed up my bag and shuffled out the door.   As I was driving home, I thought about the things that need to occur for me to successfully juggle a career and a healthy family lifestyle. While these may be true for every venture (whether business or personal), there are three simple steps:

  • Desire. Unless you married a pterodactyl (…yes, that is the correct spelling…), or unless your child’s nickname is “Denis the Menace”, most workaholics have the desire to change.  We have all heard about the guy on his death bed who never said, “I really wished I had spent more time at work.”  The reason why that analogy resonates with each of us is because we don’t take the time to slow down and think about our desires.  We are too concentrated on the goal of the day, the challenge at work, the next big business deal. But if you slow down and get to the heart of the matter, most will say they wish they had more balance in their life.
  • Plan. Many people fail at this juncture because they do not know what a plan entails.  It is this simple…Pen, Paper, Write: “Once a week for the next four weeks, I will be home by 5:30 to eat dinner with my wife and kids.  After dinner, we will go on a walk (or read a book) (or jump on the trampoline) (or…anything other than watch TV or a movie).”  A plan is nothing more than directing where your time will be spent.
  • Action.  You cannot stop with good intentions and a plan…you must act.  That is why planning is so important because if you set your plan at a level you cannot reach, then the choice of non-action becomes easier than action.  So long as you press forward with your plan, no matter how small a step of action it is, you will be one step closer to finding work-life balance.

My suspicion is that we all get stuck at one of these steps.  A plan with action and no desire soon fizzles out.  A heart-filled passion without a plan often hits it the target of no where because no planning was done.  And as a juggling spouse, all of your desires and plans to spend more time with the family do not mean a thing if you never get through the exit door at work.

Question: Desire, Plan, or Action…Where’s your downfall?