Tag Archives: fear

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One Fat Dude

Overcoming Five Fears in Pursuit of Your Dreams

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As you chase your dreams, what fears stand in the way? You are almost guaranteed to fall—and you may even fail—but isn’t that better than not ever starting the “chase” at all? Just see what I looked like before I began this journey, before I began the chase, before I took a step:

fatty

You see, there are many FEARS that consume our minds and get in the way of our pursuits:

  • the FEAR OF THE FARCE, because people will bully, ridicule, joke, make fun of, mock, or shame you for what you are doing, so it feels safer to just stay put where you are;
  • the FEAR OF FIRST STEPS, because you’ve lived one way so long you are simply afraid of starting the chase and doing something different;
  • the FEAR OF FIGURING, because you don’t know where the chase will take you and you are afraid to figure it out, what each subsequent step looks like even if you have taken the first step;
  • the FEAR OF FALLING, because the chase is unlike any other ground you have walked upon over the past few years (or even a lifetime) and you are consumed about getting hurt when you fall;
  • the FEAR OF FAILING, because your mindset tells you that ultimately you will fail, thinking constantly, “I am not smart enough…I am not good enough……I am not creative enough…I don’t have enough skills , drive, or determination to make it the finish line.”

Now do something for me (or actually for you) … jump out of your mind for a second and jump into your heart. Replace the words fear with faith.

Have FAITH to ignore the farce; their voice doesn’t matter.
Have FAITH to take the first step; you are enough.
Have FAITH to figure it out; find a way.
Have FAITH when you fall; there’s a reason.
Have FAITH that you will not fail; not this time around.

This morning, I read what Rich Dad in Rich Dad Poor Dad told his 9-year -old son after his first failed attempt to make money: “You’re only poor if you give up. The most important thing is that you did something. Most people only talk and dream of getting rich. You’ve done something. I’m very proud of the two of you. I will say it again: Keep going. Don’t quit.”

Let me tell you the same thing: Keep going. Don’t quit. You are enough.

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Now That You Are Fearful, You Can Let the Courage Take Over

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Tired? Restless? Fearful? Can’t sleep? Ready to give up? Overwhelmed? Hurting? Numb? Lost? Betrayed? Angry? Just getting by? What’s your pain? Better yet…What’s your plan?

Fear-Courage

I’ve been there. I understand late nights. I appreciate what if feels like to be alone. And, yet, through it all, my tormented mind always came to the same resolve: What’s your plan? What can you control? What can you not control?

Michael Hyatt believes that “…Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is the willingness to act in spite of my fear.” For Hyatt, the particular lesson was about a fear of confronting a demanding client.  His torment was real:

I had to make a choice. I could let it go, hoping he would improve without intervention … or I could speak up. I wrestled with it all night. I tossed and turned. I got sick to my stomach. I played out every scenario. Finally, things came into focus: I could either be brave and call him on it, or I could be a coward and stop growing as a leader.

In the end, Hyatt confronted the fear and learned to press forward.

What about you? I imagine that your torment feels absolutely overwhelming right now. Why else would you be staring at the computer screen or thumbing through your phone, mesmerized by the words on this page.  First, you are drawn to the fact that you are not alone…some one else has been here before.  Second, you find hope that there is a way through it:  Courage is the willingness to act in spite of your fear.

Now that you are fearful (or tired…or restless…or angry…or betrayed…), you can let courage take over.  Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.'” So, what does it take to live through this horror?  Here are a few tips:

  1. Recognize you are not alone. Let me say that again, you are not alone.  Money problems? Marital conflict? Jobless? There are thousands and thousands of people who have been through (or going through) the same torment as you.  Seek them. Find them. Walk next to them.
  2. Control that which you can control.  You may not be able to control the manner in which your boss talks negatively towards you, but you can finish that report on time.  You may not be able to change the mortgage payment, but you can sell your baseball card collection.  You may not be able to heal family wounds that have festered for years, but you can love your children unconditionally so as to change their family tree.  Make a list of the things you can control, and focus on them.
  3. Give up control where you have no control. At the same time, make a list of the things you cannot control, and give them up.  I often use the analogy that you cannot push a wet noodle up a wall.  Likewise, you cannot change your spouse.  You cannot make your children sleep.  You cannot force someone to do something to improve your circumstances. 
  4. Pray or meditate on your resolve. Whether you are talking about fear, anger, frustration, or any other emotion that builds inside you, find solace and refuge in a quiet place.  For me, it looks like finding a passage from the Bible that helps sustain my journey: “Do not fear for I am with you. Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you.” (Isaiah 41:10).  For you, it may be a time of mediation and prayer.  Focus on the result and allow your courage to press forward.

Question: What helps you live through the torment and horror?

Image: Star-Dust