The Practical Lawyer

Find Your Why: The Key to Success in Work and Life

My article on work/life balance was recently published by The Practical Lawyer Journal, a publication of American Law Institute.   In the article, I talk about change, adversity, and a few practical tips to succeed.

design

Here is a snippet from the article:

Being a successful litigation attorney focused on helping others, however, could not have prepared me for my greatest challenge two years ago—a divorce after almost 18 years of marriage. Or did it? Leadership guru John Maxwell teaches that “success is not a destination thing…it’s a daily thing.” For me, answering the Why? question enabled me to start an amazing journey that continues to this day. Sure, I could be more successful. I could have more clients. I could have more trials. I could have many more “things.” But once I answered the Why? question, I realized that many of my so-called stumbling blocks were actually stepping stones to a more fulfilling life.

To continue reading, download the full article here.

One Fat Dude

Overcoming Five Fears in Pursuit of Your Dreams

As you chase your dreams, what fears stand in the way? You are almost guaranteed to fall—and you may even fail—but isn’t that better than not ever starting the “chase” at all? Just see what I looked like before I began this journey, before I began the chase, before I took a step:

fatty

You see, there are many FEARS that consume our minds and get in the way of our pursuits:

  • the FEAR OF THE FARCE, because people will bully, ridicule, joke, make fun of, mock, or shame you for what you are doing, so it feels safer to just stay put where you are;
  • the FEAR OF FIRST STEPS, because you’ve lived one way so long you are simply afraid of starting the chase and doing something different;
  • the FEAR OF FIGURING, because you don’t know where the chase will take you and you are afraid to figure it out, what each subsequent step looks like even if you have taken the first step;
  • the FEAR OF FALLING, because the chase is unlike any other ground you have walked upon over the past few years (or even a lifetime) and you are consumed about getting hurt when you fall;
  • the FEAR OF FAILING, because your mindset tells you that ultimately you will fail, thinking constantly, “I am not smart enough…I am not good enough……I am not creative enough…I don’t have enough skills , drive, or determination to make it the finish line.”

Now do something for me (or actually for you) … jump out of your mind for a second and jump into your heart. Replace the words fear with faith.

Have FAITH to ignore the farce; their voice doesn’t matter.
Have FAITH to take the first step; you are enough.
Have FAITH to figure it out; find a way.
Have FAITH when you fall; there’s a reason.
Have FAITH that you will not fail; not this time around.

This morning, I read what Rich Dad in Rich Dad Poor Dad told his 9-year -old son after his first failed attempt to make money: “You’re only poor if you give up. The most important thing is that you did something. Most people only talk and dream of getting rich. You’ve done something. I’m very proud of the two of you. I will say it again: Keep going. Don’t quit.”

Let me tell you the same thing: Keep going. Don’t quit. You are enough.

Stop Lying and Do the Work!

A Volta Sports Podcast with My Brother

This week on my brother’s podcast, I talked about about change, growth, failures, mentoring, movies, a crap ton of kids, a few tears, some daily struggles, the need to stop lying, and ultimately the secret to success.

doom

Chris (…mom always liked you best…) is the founderof Volta Sports and Leadership, whose mission is to empower teams and individuals to achieve SIGNIFICANCE and PEAK PERFORMANCE on and off the field though Recruiting Education, Coaching Education, Sports Camps, and Mission Trips.  We had a great time chatting, and you can listen to the conversation on any of the links below.

VOLTA WEBSITE

Buzz Sprout

ITunes

How to Create A Family Mission Statement

Not by You but by Them

In my daily video this morning, I talked briefly about our Family Mission Statement, although the message was about Lies Lies Lies (FB Video).  As promised, here is copy of our statement written a few years ago.

DeVriesAre

Now that you see it, feel free to copy it, crib from it, tweak it, or use it as a template.  But, just do something with your family and kids.  Do it this evening. It does not need to be perfect.  It does not need bible verses.  It just needs to be you and your spouse and your kids mapping out the theme for your family.

Two Questions to Ask When Making a Decision

Is it right? Will it hurt?

Today’s video relays a story about my son Dylan, who stepped up and did the right thing and was called at FAT-F&$*!  I was ready to file suit against this bully’s parent and enroll Dylan in karate!

After watching the video, leave a comment about any additional questions you ask yourself when making a decision.

What Goes On At School Should Not Stay At School

10 Questions to Ask Your Kids About Their Day

This year we placed our six kids into public school after years of homeschooling. We were scared about the transition, but I knew that they would thrive given each of their personalities.

Bully

Imagine my surprise when after two weeks, my first grader, Mia, came home and said that some girl had been taking her stuff every day during the afternoon break. Of course, the litigator in me wanted to track down that spineless grade-schooler and sue her for harassment, intentional infliction of emotional harm, and whatever cause of action I could fathom. But my anger turned to joy when Mia smiled and said in her small meek voice, “But today I stood up to her.

What if she had never told me about her day? What if a month had gone by and I never learned about the incident? That’s not acceptable for me and it should not be acceptable for you and your children.  And so I am inspired to write a list of questions that I can ask my kids every day in order to get to know them (and protect them if necessary). I encourage you to do the same.

  1. How was your day? (That’s an obvious one!)
  2. Were you sleepy when you got to school? (Helps us figure out their sleeping patterns.)
  3. Did you get enough to eat today? (Helps us figure out their nutrition and energy.)
  4. Did you like your outfit or clothes today? I certainly did. (All little girls need to hear this one!)
  5. Tell me one thing you learned today. (Are they expanding, everyday, like you should be?)
  6. Did anyone make you feel uncomfortable today? (Let’s start finding some red flags.)
  7. If today was a race, what place did you get? First place, middle of the pack, or last place? (Need a metric…)
  8. You know daddy is a Warrior. Did you slay any dragons today? Can you tell me about your dragons? (This is to really dig deep and find any red flags!)
  9. What’s the best thing that happened to you today? (Helps them find the good in all things.)
  10. What can I do to help you have a better day tomorrow? Let’s pray real quick. (Here’s a quick one on praying with yours kids!)

Any others that you can recommend?

 

A Private Text to My Thirteen Year Old Son

What Can You Tell Your Child On His First Day of High School?

Do your words matter? Of course, they do. Here are a few words that I sent to my thirteen-year-old son, who started high school yesterday. Maybe they inspire you to reach out to someone…and use your words to encourage.


Dear Son:

Today. Today, I was scared. I don’t like to admit that. But as I dropped you off this morning, I wanted to walk by your side all day long.

But the Warrior in me knew that I had to let you go. And the father in me knew I could trust that you would be okay. And the friend in me knew you’d kill them with kindness. And the attorney in me knew that if anyone hurt you I would sue them and their parents for every cent they had.

And so. Although I was scared to let you go today, I was the proudest parent on that campus this afternoon when I saw you jump in the car with a smile on your face.

Today, my fear turned to pride.

I love you, Warrior Son.

Dad

Opportunity For Growth Begins with Three Parts of Stress

The past few years have been a roller-coaster of emotional turmoil.  You name the stress, we experienced it: sick children, financial binds, cancer, broken friendships, heart attacks, car troubles, college searches, etc.

sadness

The last few  months have been particularly difficult as my wife was been tending to both of her parents out of town with significant health challenges. During those months where  my wife was nursing her parents, may people called me Mr. Mom or Single Dad.

At first, I called it, hell!

Now I call it Opportunity for Growth.

You see, stress is an interesting word.  The Middle English meaning denotes hardship or force exerted on a person for the purpose of compulsion; while the Latin origin is strictus, meaning tight, compressed, or drawn together.  WebMD defines stress as “the body’s reaction to any change that requires an adjustment or response.”  A combination of these definitions leads to one conclusion:

Author Andrew Bernstein once said that stress “doesn’t come from your boss, your kids, your spouse, traffic jams, health challenges, or other circumstances. It comes from your thoughts about your circumstances.”  If stress truly comes from our thoughts about our circumstances—rather than from the circumstances themselves—then we can transform those thoughts to be an opportunity for growth.

John Maxwell calls this big picture thinking.  It brings wholeness and maturity to a person’s mindset. It brings perspective.  Big picture thinking allows you to take your “hell” and turn it into an “opportunity for growth.”  You start to focus on the whole timeline, and not just the heart ache, failure or challenge that brought you to your knees.

Preparing for Rain

Juggling Requires That You Actually Have a Plan

If you want to successfully juggle your family, career and life, at some point you have to begin preparing for rain. With your family, you can no longer check-out all week and check-in only on the weekends.  You won’t survive…they won’t survive.  In your career, you can no longer view the mounting pile of work and attack only the emergencies.  You have to implement a plan to get caught up and stay on top of the pile.

rain

So, what does it really mean to prepare for rain?  

Although I love Any Given Sunday (for its action) and Waterboy (for its comedy), my all-time favorite football movie is Facing the Giants (for its passion). Wanting to encourage the defeated coach with a few words of wisdom, the local pastor in FTG recounts the following story:

“There were two farmers who desperately needed rain in a drought. And both of them prayed for rain, but only one of them went out to plow his field to receive the rain. Now, which farmer trusted and believed that it was going to rain?”

In your life, are you preparing for rain? Unfortunately, there is not a quick-and-easy formula that will make you an overnight success at work and home. However, there is one major thing you can do to prepare for a drenching: draft a plan.

As a busy construction lawyer and husband and father of seven children, my time is limited.  I find myself in “emergency mode” on most days.  I tackle the deadlines, workload, and problems for that particular day, as well as those issues that land in my lap at the moment.  This is not to say that I do not plan for my caseload or family challenges, but I often seem to be living too close to the present without enough reliance on planning for the future.

That’s where Living Forward—a new book by Michael Hyatt and Daniel Harkavey—has helped me identify a plan to get back on track: professionally, personally and spiritually. Even after reading the first chapter, there was a spark in my belly that started to inflame my desire to change. Here’s just one little nugget that I learned within the first few pages: “You may feel that you’ve drifted too far of course to get back on track, like the shore is just too far away. Perhaps you have given up hope and don’t believe things can ever be different. This is simply not true. It’s never too late. Be encouraged. You can’t change the past, but all of us have the power to change the future. The right choices today will radically alter the shape of tomorrow.

This book is about experiencing the life you want, while navigating all the distractions, difficulties, and demands that pile up day-by-day, year-by-year.  It leads you through a simple step-by-step life-planning process so every day adds up to the life you want now and creates the legacy you want to leave behind.  I am currently on the second draft of my plan for the second half of 2016.  Now’s a good time to start.

If I had one bit of encouragement during this process, it would be to keep plowing ahead. You cannot be discouraged by the drought in either your career or family life. I remember the late nights as a young attorney in Washington, D.C. Often I would climb into bed with my wife and groan, “I can’t do this any more.” She would always whisper words of encouragement: “Honey, just a few more days and you will be prepared for this case. And when you win, we can go celebrate as a family.”

Let me whisper in your ear: Keep plowing, keep preparing for the rain…you can make it!